Well, I must say I was both thrilled and scared to death now, as I had no idea what he wanted and I had not been with a man anally yet. He told me to...strip down, which I did, then he just stood there looking at me for what seemed like an eternity. I was so uncomfortable, but what could I do at that point? He then started to unbutton his pants, all the while with me standing there. When he had them down around his knees, he sat in his chair and told me to come show him what a girly bitch I. He was so logical in his approach to life that it was a relief to me, as I felt so much emotion that had no direction and being given a logical explanation for how I felt at times was exactly what I needed. But he was always withdrawn in some way. He didn’t trust me, even though I close to trusted him completely at an emotional level. In one letter I glimpsed the first real emotion – he talked about how much he loved his mother. I wished so much that that emotion, that love could be directed at. .I even spent some time chatting with Vanessa. She was actually really easy to talk to. Very friendly. I couldn’t get over how beautiful she was. After some conversation about school and friends back home, I decided to pry a little about her and uncle Steve. I couldn’t help but be intrigued. She said they had know each other for the past 3 years. They met at work, when she used to be a secretary in his office. She went on to say that even though she doesn’t work there anymore, they still hang. I was worried that Mom was offended and angry about how far I had gone during my pat-down demonstration.Had I really been that improper? I replayed the scene in my mind which felt weird with both my parents calmly eating their dinner beside me. If anything, I hadn’t been overly intimate, at least, as far as I could determine from the training I had received and I imagined that some agents went further in certain cases, like when an attractive female was involved. Pushing my fingers inside Mom’s.
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