”I had gone too far. I was pissed and lashing out. Ian was trying to be a friend and I was being an ass.“Sorry dude, here…” I held out my hand...for the CD. Ian happily handed the CD over and seemed satisfied that he had spread the church of Goth.“Ian…” I asked, “Ian, do you ever feel like maybe you somehow did something like really karmically fucked up and your life is so whacked that you are like totally confused if you are paying for it or what?”“Like every day my beautiful Ophelia, every. You want anything? I’m buying.”“Nah, man. Driving. All good. Thanks though.”The bartender nodded and headed back to the bar.“Well, after this the libations come to and end and I will be back on the wagon until I’m on the podium again,” I said. I took a drink and put my glass down. “So, what brings you here? I heard you were interning at some community access cable channel.”“ESPN isn’t community access. And not interning. Senior aquatics correspondent.”“That’s a thing?”Derek nodded.“Nobody else. I could not go against what I felt in my heart. Please, don't misunderstand. I’m not saying it is wrong for other women, it just wasn’t right for me. I thought many times, over many hours, about it. I asked myself, why couldn't I just do this? What was the big deal? What was wrong? Why could I not find a woman I liked and would be able to enjoy her? I even talked to other woman, read many stories about bi-women and threesomes. I read some beautiful stories and, occasionally, I even thought ‘I. He had done nothing wrong. He was innocent. Yet self-doubt continued to nag and toss in his intestines.Susan drove along the state highway out and up into the mountains above their city. The children were quiet in anticipation of visiting Aunt Jenny and Uncle Joe. Jenny and Joe lived in their mountain home far from neighbors, but with, horses, dogs and cats to play with. Alongside their log house was a small meandering steam flowing from shaded pool to shaded pool in the late summer's heat..
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